Seems like several of my ponderings have been about Christian dating/marriage-related things. That is not really the intent of this blog per sé but this one is too.
I’ve read a lot of articles and books over the years about Christian singleness and dating. Marriage too. But, I read another commentary about singleness and the Christian life this morning, and feel like so many of these articles get one premise wrong.
There’s a notion in a lot of those I’ve read or even some sermons that I have heard recently that if you are single or don’t have kids, you’re doing something wrong. There is even a sense that bearing children is somehow a command for all Christians because Adam and Eve were told to “be fruitful and multiply”. That is part of the goal of Godly marriages but don’t forget that children are blessings from God not a works of righteousness thing nor something we demand from God. But children are quite literally getting the cart before the horse here.
Below is a quote and the title of this post also came from an ad about a book shared by a ministry that I have a lot of respect for this morning. Now I have not read this specific book yet but the introduction was telling to me. Here is the quote.
“The world’s devaluing of marriage has seeped into the church. Many Christians are delaying marriage later into adulthood, others are choosing to forego marriage altogether.”
I wholeheartedly agree that the world and even some in churches have devalued marriage, but I can promise that I don’t devalue marriage and it has nothing to do with why I and many others are single. In fact, I firmly believe that many people who are dating, married or are getting married don’t value marriage in the same way that I see it. That’s one reason I don’t do wedding photography. A photographer can’t and in most cases shouldn’t be the one doing pre marital counseling with the couple. That’s the pastors job, but many aren’t doing that it seems. As a Christian photographer, it seems weird and wrong to profit from ungodly marriages. I refuse to shoot immoral weddings or brides in dresses with their boobs hanging out and a lot of other disrespectful, drunken debauchery that I see grooms and groomsmen participating in at a lot of weddings. let alone the high divorce rates after the fact.
Marriage is a serious thing. The whole point of marriage is to mirror the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Far too many don’t understand or respect that concept of the Covenant of Marriage.
But there is also a theme in some of the stuff being written lately that makes singleness sound like unbiblical poor choices or almost a sinful act. I firmly believe that God is sovereign over our choices of a spouse. He provides that to some and not to others. Now the same organization mentioned above would also tell you all about Gods sovereign nature. Gods sovereignty does also hold man personally responsible for sin, but his will, will be done and he alone provides all good things. Along with love, marriage brings out the sanctifying work of the gospel. And biblical speaking, it is the father who selects the bride.
I can tell you that I’m personally not looking to date anyone or marry anyone else at this point but I am also not opposed to it if God the Father provides for that. I have run as far as I can from some and turned down several opportunities to date people who were not in the marriage category. We are to be very prayerful in discerning the choice of a spouse. It’s the most important decision that you make in life. But I am also not single by choice. I have tried to date a small number of Godly women a few times but it just doesn’t seem to work. Some are still friends.
But it is God the father who provides a bride for his son and he alone causes all things to work together for the Good of those who love the Lord and are called according to his purposes. And he withholds no good things from those who walk in righteousness. So if you are single, it’s a good thing. If God’s purpose for you is to marry, he will provide for that. Otherwise, abide in him. Serve him as the bride of Christ. You are blessed and highly favored but unless you are mired in sinfulness of some sort that legitimately prevents you from marriage, reject the notion that you are a victim of singleness or there is anything wrong with you if you are single. I promise you there are worse things than being single. It’s a blessing.
”As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Abide in my love.“
John 15:9 ESV
https://bible.com/bible/59/jhn.15.9.ESV
