Love is in the air and with less than a week until the next overly commercialized pagan holiday, it seems like Valentine’s Day sales ads are everywhere at the moment. I was flipping through Facebook earlier and an ad for this Valentine’s necklace came up on my feed. I’ll leave a link below if you’d like to purchase this for your wife this Valentine’s Day.
The necklace is a pretty little necklace I guess, but the box is the interesting part to me anyway. When you open the box, it says “to the one I’m predestined to be with”, “your irresistible” and a photo of the protestant reformer John Calvin.
The appealing thing to me though is the little tongue-in-cheek look at the biblical doctrine of God’s predestination unto salvation through faith in Christ and his sovereignty over all of the things that he ordained and the nod to God’s irresistible grace.
I thought it was hilarious at first. I firmly believe it to be true. Both the biblical doctrine of Predestination and the implications of its meaning behind the necklace as a gift to a wife. The Bible says it’s so and so it is. Predestination is found all through scripture from Genesis to Revelation. God’s sovereignty in all things is the basis of our hope found in Christ and revealed to us by the Holy Spirit through his word. His grace really is irresistible to those he has predestined, called, chosen, elected, and so on and so forth.
But, then I got to thinking about the meaning and implications of that on the necklace and funny inscription. Now some of my thoughts on this may sound a little rambling and others a bit pity party-ish and I sincerely don’t intend it that way, but it did make me think a little harder and inwardly as I reflected on its meaning and whether or not it applies to my life in a biblical sense or was being taken out of context.
Personal Application
I’m not married. I have never married. Nor do I have an active romantic relationship in my life at the moment. That is not at all how I expected my life to pan out, but it is what it is. I could get depressed about that if I allowed myself to waller in it from an entitled, self-pity perspective. But the fact of the matter is, I’ve never dated just a whole lot either. That is a huge blessing in today’s world and a fact that I’m very thankful for. It’s God’s protection in a backward providential kind of way by not allowing me to get into a lot of hurtful relationships that I had to heal from. I’m not built for the repeated cycle of that stuff that goes on in the dating world. I have a few scars from the past, but I consider those blessings also because they made me a better, more compassionate person for having dealt with things.
I’m in my 40s now and although I’ve never married, I have prayed for “My” wife a whole lot. However, I distinctly remember praying for my wife a couple of years ago as I drove down the highway. This particular time, I remember specifically praying for my wife to be growing in Christ. That God would protect her from some things that I’d been through myself. That he would make me a better man for having been through some things on her behalf. And more importantly to me at the time, that God would lead me to her sooner rather than later. I don’t want additional things to heal from and I’m also not getting any younger. But as noble as some of that may sound, I was praying for “my” wife again, and this time I felt convicted about some things.
First, over all of these years, and this day in particular, I had been praying for “my” wife. Like she was MINE. God quietly and calmly told me as I drove that I had to knock this “my” stuff off and stop demanding of him to provide “my” wife. IF its his will that I marry, and he chose to provide a wife for me, then that she was HIS daughter first.
That stung a little. It revealed to me my own prideful failures in assuming that I had a wife. We sometimes read verses like the Genesis account where God said that it was not good for man to be alone so he made a helper for him. While that is true, and its not good for man to be alone, many people never marry. Not all are guaranteed a marriage partner. The Bible says “A man who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord” Proverbs 18:22 It is favor that is FROM the Lord not a guarantee. “A house and wealth are inherited from fathers, but a prudent wife is FROM the Lord.” Proverbs 19:14. The key phrase there is that the bride is from the Lord. The same is true of the bride of Christ. It is from the Lord.
That kind leads me to a few points.
A) Who was I to demand anything from God, let alone a wife? Take a quick look at Job’s discussion with God and we quickly see that we are nobody.
B) Who was I to assume that I have a wife? That plays into the mythology of Valentine’s day and false romantic love. When we assume that we have a spouse just out there somewhere roaming around and “I” have to find her. That is where we begin to fall into trouble. We begin to see ourselves as though we are the focus of God’s attention.
C) I don’t recall anywhere in scripture that we are told to go find a wife. Now we also see things like Abraham who sent a servant to find a wife for his son Issac. (Genesis 24) But we don’t see Issac making a move on every woman he sees or hitting up Match, eharmony, Bumble or God forbid Tinder or something like that. We instead see a faithful, thoughtful father and a loyal, humble, God-fearing servant seeking God’s provision for Issac. That is the key point they were seeking God’s provision. A wife to be revealed to him if it were God’s will. That is a very different picture from the modern sinful, prideful, self-centered dating culture that we see today.
Nowadays, we see everything from traditional dating to E-harmony to farmers only, and all of the other modern dating ideas out there that are centered on swiping left or right and going out and finding someone to test drive a whole bunch of people, dating around, and shacking up together for a trial marriage. As Voddie Baucham, one of my favorite Pastors says, “Modern dating is more like training for divorce than seeking a Godly wife.”
But we don’t see that type of dating anywhere in the bible. I stand fairly convinced that modern dating culture is not biblical. It leads to more sin than anything with all of its wounds and is pretty unacceptable for Christians to engage in that type of relationship.
Contentment no matter the circumstances
We see a very different situation in 1 Corinthians 7 where contentment in Christ is the prescription whether married, single, widowed or God forbid divorced. We see Paul exhorting people not just to remain single as he was, but to be content as he was and wait on the Lord’s provision in all things and especially Marriage. Contentment in God’s sovereignty in all things is what abiding in Christ is all about. If God intends for a person to marry, they will. If it doesn’t serve his greater purpose for good then they won’t. “The Lord has established His throne in heaven, and His kingdom rules over all.” Psalm 103:19
While at this point in my life or anyone else’s life, God absolutely can create a “suitable helper” for me It’s not guaranteed. I’m not somehow worthy of being a husband to a Godly wife. I’m not good enough to deserve a wife at all apart from God’s blessing. Marriage is Grace as much as it is love on display.
Yet, some people are predestined to be single. Instead of praying for “my” wife in an entitled, demanding of God kind of way, I had to release the idea of the hopes for marriage and family of my own into his hands and be content with whatever he chose for me. My previous attempt at dating had failed miserably so whatever he had would be far better than my own failed attempts to find a wife and make things work that were simply not meant to be.
And so contentment began to take a new place in my life. I’d prayed for contentment before this, but I really began to also find peace and contentment in being “the bride of Christ”. See, I didn’t have to be found attractive, or rich, or funny, or whatever women deem worthy of marriage by some woman. As a believer in Jesus Christ, I already am a part of the bride of Christ.
Marriage is the Gospel in Action
I’ve been guilty in the past as many are, of feeling like marriage would make me happy. But marriage isn’t meant to make anyone happy. Yes, I’m sure there are joys of marriage, but there are also immense challenges to marriage and biblical marriage is meant to mirror the gospel of Christ to the world through those challenges. Like the Gospel, God the Father picked a bride and the son paid the price for her. He sacrificed his life for hers. He chose to love her. His sacrificial love is eternal. It’s Covenantal.
So in wrapping this pondering up, I may never marry in this life and I’m okay with that. “not my will but yours” is my constant prayer. I do still pray for “my” wife, though not in as demanding of a way. But instead from the perspective that IF God provides and sees fit to bring that relationship into my life, that I’ll be capable of loving her as Christ loves me. That he will sanctify me to make me worthy of reflecting his love to his daughter.
But in the meantime, to the one I’m predestined to be with, It’s your Irresistible grace that Got me. I look forward to seeing your nail-scared hands. I’m unworthy to be a part of the bride of Christ. I’ve done nothing to deserve your love but thank you for choosing me to die for and drawing me to you that I may bring glory to you.
P.S.
This is not a paid advertisement in any way, but if you’d like to purchase this necklace or other apparel, check out SDG Clothing.
